Disclaimer: The story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. No chickens were harmed in the making of this tale. Except emotionally. They were very confused.

⸻

INT. JASON AND HARRIETTA’S LIVING ROOM – SATURDAY NOON

The gang is mid-Jackbox game, huddled on a couch with snacks everywhere. Jimmy’s holding a game controller like it’s a detonator. Crystal is half-watching while whispering to Silver the cat. Jason is hyper-focused. Harrietta folds laundry as she plays.

⸻

JIMMY (whispering dramatically) If I pick the wrong answer again, I’m legally obligated to surrender my Jamaican citizenship.

CRYSTAL You surrendered that when you used mayonnaise on fried plantain last week, bwoy.

JIMMY That was aioli, thank you very much.

JASON Aioli is just garlic mayo. You don’t win points for calling your sins by fancier names.

HARRIETTA It doesn’t matter what you call it. You ruined the plantain and made the air fryer smell like betrayal.

⸻

Suddenly, the TV screen freezes.

⸻

JASON Oh come on! Harrietta, did you update the router firmware like I asked?

HARRIETTA No, Jason. I was too busy being the entire household management system. What were you doing—calibrating your “vibe sensors” again?

JASON Don’t mock the sensors. They sensed this.

⸻

INT. KITCHEN – MOMENTS LATER

The group shuffles in, searching for food like raccoons in a recycling bin. Crystal opens the fridge.

⸻

CRYSTAL Ok, who bought a whole raw chicken and just… put it on a plate? Like it’s waiting for judgment.

JIMMY That was me. I had a plan. It’s a Jamaican thing.

HARRIETTA Leaving poultry unseasoned in the fridge is not a Jamaican thing.

JIMMY I was going to make jerk chicken but then I… forgot the jerk part.

JASON So what you did was attempt a felony, then walked away mid-crime.

⸻

CRYSTAL Wait—have any of us ever cooked a whole chicken?

HARRIETTA I’ve roasted one. Once. In 2007. During a power outage. While my mother was FaceTiming me from a Nokia.

JASON Okay, so none of us.

JIMMY What if we all cooked it… together?

⸻

A beat. They all stare at Jimmy.

⸻

JASON What is this? A Disney Channel Original Movie?

CRYSTAL Are we gonna “learn the true meaning of poultry” too?

⸻

MONTAGE: “THE CHICKENING BEGINS”

[1] Jimmy puts the chicken in the sink, immediately drops it. JIMMY It slipped! That bird is slicker than a tax auditor in February!

[2] Harrietta reads an online recipe with increasingly aggressive skepticism. HARRIETTA “This recipe says to ‘massage the chicken like it’s a stressed CEO’… Okay then.”

[3] Jason smokes a joint, staring at the bird like it’s whispering stock advice. JASON Guys… I think this chicken has seen things. War. Divorce. Bitcoin collapses.

[4] Crystal is dressing the chicken in baby clothes. CRYSTAL Look, Silver! He’s a little gentleman now. Sir Cluckles Featherington III!

⸻

INT. KITCHEN – LATER

The chicken is now in the oven. They’re sitting around, exhausted.

⸻

JASON That was… the most teamwork we’ve done since the Great IKEA Bookshelf Incident.

HARRIETTA Don’t bring that up. You installed the shelves upside-down and called it “Scandinavian chaos theory.”

CRYSTAL Okay but real talk—what if we just… started a chicken-based food business?

JIMMY Like a food truck?

JASON Like a chicken empire.

HARRIETTA You can’t even handle reheating rice without a fire warning. Who’s running this empire?

JIMMY We all are. It’s a co-op. With titles.

⸻

JASON I call Head of Poultry Strategy.

CRYSTAL I’ll be Director of Cluck.

HARRIETTA You know co-ops require actual work, right?

JASON No, no—theoretical co-op. Emotional equity only.

⸻

FLASHBACK: INT. CLASSROOM – 3RD GRADE JASON

Little Jason stands at the front of class with a poster that says “Chickonomics.”

⸻

LITTLE JASON Supply and demand is like eggs. Too many, prices fall. Too few? Riots. Wake up, sheeple.

⸻

BACK TO PRESENT

JIMMY You’ve been preparing for this your whole life.

⸻

INT. DINING ROOM – 40 MINUTES LATER

They’re staring at the finished roast chicken. It looks… questionable.

⸻

CRYSTAL It’s giving… “culinary cry for help.”

HARRIETTA It smells like thyme. And… betrayal.

JASON No, no. That’s the cannabis-infused butter Jimmy added “by mistake.”

JIMMY You said we wanted to elevate the flavor!

⸻

They each take a bite. A long pause.

⸻

HARRIETTA …Why is it spicy?

CRYSTAL Why is it sour?

JIMMY I think I accidentally mixed up the limes and the vinegar. And maybe the weed butter was… not butter?

⸻

Jason suddenly gets up and stares into the void.

⸻

JASON I’ve seen the face of God. And it’s… lemony.

⸻

CRYSTAL I think Silver just judged us. Did you see that side-eye?

HARRIETTA We need to throw this away and never speak of it again.

JIMMY But what if we rename it? Like… “Avant-Chick Cuisine”?

⸻

HARRIETTA No. We bury it in the backyard and salt the earth so nothing ever grows there again.

⸻

INT. MAIN ST. GREEK – 20 MINUTES LATER

They’re all eating gyros, silent and shame-faced.

⸻

JASON We flew too close to the chicken. Like Icarus, if he had feathers… and salmonella.

CRYSTAL I feel like we just lost a game no one was playing.

JIMMY Okay but… when’s round two?

⸻

HARRIETTA When the chicken learns to roast us back.

⸻

SILVER (V.O.) (purring with judgmental gravitas) You fools. The chicken cooked you.

⸻

FADE OUT.

ROLL CREDITS over a freeze-frame of the gang arguing over who left the oven on.

⸻

END OF EPISODE

#TheCluckening

ⓒ 2025 apollo – All Rights Reserved.

Disclaimer: This episode contains absolutely no financial advice, just broken dreams, misplaced JPEGs, and too many acronyms. All characters are fictional. Any resemblance to actual crypto bros, living or bankrupt, is purely coincidental. Do not mint this episode as an NFT. You will be laughed at.

⸻

INT. JASON & HARRIETTA’S LIVING ROOM – SATURDAY AFTERNOON

The gang is gathered for game night. Pizza boxes (half eaten), an open box of Exploding Kittens, and several La Viet takeout containers litter the coffee table. HARRIETTA is straightening coasters. JASON lounges on the couch, joint in hand. CRYSTAL sits cross-legged on the floor with a Cricut vinyl sheet stuck to her elbow. JIMMY is pacing like he’s discovered time travel.

⸻

JIMMY (eyes wide, gesturing like a prophet) Guys. GUYS. I just figured out NFTs.

CRYSTAL Oh Lord. Again? Last week you “figured out soup.” You were just high and drinking from a gravy boat.

JIMMY No no no. For real! NFTs! I cracked the code! It’s like—it’s like digital Beanie Babies with receipts!

JASON (sarcastic) Wow. Revolutionary. Harvard Business School just burst into applause.

HARRIETTA (flatly) So, what exactly is an NFT, Jimmy?

JIMMY (arms flailing) A Non-Fungible Token! It’s like a thing you buy, but… you don’t get it. You just… prove you bought it. Like marriage but with a cartoon gorilla.

CRYSTAL That’s called a scam. Or Sephora points. Same energy.

JASON (sitting up) Wait wait wait—are you telling me you just understood NFTs?

JIMMY (sincerely) Yes. It hit me in the shower like lightning. Naked enlightenment. The water was hot. The truth was hotter.

⸻

FLASHBACK – INT. JIMMY’S BATHROOM – EARLIER THAT DAY

JIMMY, dripping wet, towel barely on, stares at himself in the mirror.

JIMMY (V.O.) “Wait… I don’t own the image… I own the bragging rights to the idea of owning the image…”

He gasps, slips on a rubber duck, and crashes out of frame.

⸻

BACK TO SCENE

HARRIETTA (mildly horrified) You had an epiphany… while damp?

JIMMY Yes! And now I know why NFTs failed. It wasn’t the tech. It was the people. They thought JPEGs were assets.

JASON Oh, you sweet summer engineer.

⸻

CRYSTAL (getting up, brushing off vinyl) Wait. You bought one, didn’t you?

JIMMY (wincing) Technically… three. One was a pigeon in a space suit. One was a pineapple with eyes. And one—oh God—was just the word “FUNGIBLE” in Comic Sans.

HARRIETTA (putting her forehead in her hand) Why?

JIMMY I thought I could flip them! Like digital real estate! Like SimCity but with vibes!

JASON (laughs maniacally) You minted regret. That’s what you did.

CRYSTAL (snickering) You’re gonna be the only man evicted from the blockchain. Security gon’ escort your avatar out.

⸻

INT. KITCHEN – LATER

HARRIETTA and JASON are doing dishes while CRYSTAL flicks water at Silver the cat, who is actively ignoring her.

HARRIETTA He really thought NFTs were a good investment?

JASON Jimmy thinks QR codes are magic spells. Of course he did.

CRYSTAL (doing Silver’s voice) “Papa, why’d you sell my college fund for a JPEG of a possum wearing Yeezys?”

JIMMY (O.S.) (from living room) It was a limited edition possum, okay?

⸻

INT. LIVING ROOM – MOMENTS LATER

JIMMY is now hunched over his laptop, eyes darting wildly.

JIMMY You know what? I’m gonna burn the NFTs. Like a digital protest!

CRYSTAL You can’t even burn toast without starting a kitchen emergency.

JIMMY I’ll send them to a dead wallet! A digital graveyard! A Metaverse tombstone!

JASON So you’re paying gas fees to delete a receipt of a cartoon you never owned in the first place?

JIMMY (tapping furiously) YES. IT’S SYMBOLIC.

HARRIETTA It’s idiotic.

⸻

INT. BASEMENT – LATER THAT NIGHT

Jason has pulled out a projector. They’re watching a ridiculous NFT “documentary” narrated by an overdramatic British voice.

BRITISH NARRATOR (V.O.) “…and thus, the JPEG revolution collapsed beneath the weight of its own irony.”

Everyone groans.

CRYSTAL (turning to Jimmy) Are you done now? With the pixel Ponzi?

JIMMY (sighs) Yeah. I am.

(pause)

…

JIMMY Unless… what if we made our OWN NFT? Like, of our game night? “The Fellowship of the Exploding Kitten.” One-of-a-kind. Limited mint. Only ten billion copies.

HARRIETTA You’re not allowed near the internet unsupervised.

⸻

INT. JASON & HARRIETTA’S FRONT DOOR – NEXT MORNING

The gang is leaving. JIMMY holds a USB stick solemnly.

JASON What’s that?

JIMMY The last copy of my NFTs. I’m gonna bury it. For future civilizations. Maybe they’ll appreciate it.

CRYSTAL Honey, they won’t. They’ll reboot it and scream.

HARRIETTA (dry) Put it next to your fantasy football losses and broken air fryer.

JIMMY It’s like a time capsule… of shame.

⸻

EXT. BACKYARD – DAY

JIMMY digs a tiny hole with a plastic spork. He drops the USB in. Covers it. Puts a Popsicle stick on top with the words: “RIP JPEG.”

JIMMY May you rest in encrypted peace, PigeonAstronaut47.

JASON (O.S.) Hey Jimmy.

JIMMY Yeah?

JASON Wanna buy a digital tulip?

Beat.

JIMMY …how much?

⸻

ROLL CREDITS. Cue theme music: funky ska cover of “Never Gonna Give You Up.”

POST-CREDIT SCENE:

CRYSTAL peeks at Jimmy’s phone. He’s Googling:

“How to start a blockchain for cats.”

CRYSTAL (deadpan): Silver, pack your things. Your papa’s got plans.

⸻

END.

#JimmyDiscoverstheBlockchain

ⓒ 2025 apollo – All Rights Reserved.